I’m a girl trying to deal with her anxious thoughts.
But I’m more than that.
I’m an avid reader, an aspiring author, a Disney lover, a 25-year-old Harry Potter fanatic. I love taking photos. I enjoy jumping over waves in the ocean. I order tea from London because it reminds me of the weekend I spent in England when I was younger. I’m constantly quoting Chandler Bing. More than anything, I’m just a girl who wants to help people. I’m a Mental Health Advocate. I cancel plans because I’m too nervous about going through with them. During a panic attack, I clam up and shut down and fold into myself. I’m anxious more often than not. But I promise you this,
I am not my anxiety,
and you are not yours.
Hey there, friends! So. To start, I’ll say that I’ve had this idea of what I’d blog about for a little while now, but truthfully, I was too afraid to put it out there. I was worried. That’s what people with anxiety do. We worry. One of my favorite quotes is from author Maya Angelou, stating, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” When I was first diagnosed with anxiety at sixteen years old, mental health was a very taboo subject. It still is, to some people. I hid my anxiety. I didn’t tell anyone I began seeing a therapist. I felt as though I needed to keep it all hidden away, for fear of being judged.
I still worry about being judged. I care so tremendously about what others think of me. It’s deafening. Heartbreaking. It tears me apart and breaks me down some days, which is why I kept all of my secrets…why I didn’t tell a single person. But the truth, friends, is just what Ms. Angelou had said. It is, in fact, a great burden to keep a story buried so deeply inside of you. So here I am, terrified of being judged, consistently thinking of what others are saying about me behind my back, but I can’t keep it inside anymore. I don’t want my anxiety to be something that I hide away from people. My anxiety is a part of me, but it does not define me, and it’s time I share my story, which is exactly what I want to do on this blog.
My little friend called anxiety creeps up on me whenever it chooses to do so. You’re at home, just relaxing? Cool! I’ll come for a visit. You’re out with your friends having a great time? Oh well, I’m stopping by. You’re going to give a huge speech and project in front of your class? I’ll definitely be there for that!
If you’re anxious, know that you’re not alone. I’ve been dealing with the twists and turns of what comes with this for years now, even though I didn’t like to admit it at first. In fact, I hated it. I felt so beaten down, so defeated, and I won’t lie to you all…there are days when I still feel this way. Growing up, and after being diagnosed with anxiety, I felt more alone than I ever have. I searched high and low for someone out there who knew what I was going through, who felt the same things as me, who could validate me – tell me I’m not pathetic or strange for feeling this way. But I could never find anyone, until I began searching on the Internet. I’m here to talk about my experience with anxiety, how I cope, and hopefully I can reach out to others and remind you that you are not alone. 🙂 I’m also here to spread more information about anxiety, so those who do not struggle with it, but know a loved one who does, can better understand what their loved one may be going through. Sometimes, when the anxiety is just too strong, we need you to love us a little bit louder.
If you ARE reading this, thanks a bunch! EYE-OH-YOU chocolate chip cookies 😀 If you’re feeling crummy, alone, worried, remember these three things, my friends: breathing exercises are calming, chocolate makes everything better, and you are most certainly loved. I promise you, I have to remind myself of these things all the time. Thanks for coming along for the ride! Are you ready for a new adventure?